Happy Father's Day!

My father would’ve been 65 years old this year (his birthday is sometime in February). Words can’t quite describe how much I miss him; and wish that I could speak with him for a moment even if for a few minutes. Don’t get me wrong I don’t wish I were dead, and chilling with Jesus and all my passed on relatives; after all there is a season for everything, I just wish  that the storms weren't so tough to weather. Sometimes pulling my collar up isn’t enough. Sometimes the wind still hits you in the face. Sometimes I wonder what he thinks of me from over there or up there or wherever it is; if I make him proud. Then other times I don’t give a damn, and get upset  that he died on me.

But it’s only on days like this that I get stuck on the thought of him, and what my life would like if he were still here. Ultimately what it means to be a man, my father was not a perfect man but I have learned worlds from him, and hope that I can leave an impression on those around me the way that he did. In the end I am glad that he no longer has to feel the terrestrial pain that comes with existence on earth anymore.  And I try and let go of the  selfish yearnings for a fatherly presence.  Sometimes I wonder if it's okay to miss someone that's not around anymore this much, like is it fair to them from where they are? I can only ask the Almighty to help me calibrate my heart from all the 'mushy stuff' that makes us miss those who are gone; and I hope for the best that my prayers are answered in the best way possible. Or maybe  you could pray for me :-) I have had better days, but i am truly thankful for good friends, an awesome family, and having been blessed with a great sense of humor.....I am trying America, but I need to try harder.